Susan Jarvis: Stripping away stigma and expressing sexuality (NSFW)

[00:55] Sonya: Susan, thank you so much for joining me.

[00:59] Susan: Hi, Sonya. Thank you very much for inviting me.

[01:02] Sonya: My pleasure. I am so pumped for this conversation that we are about to have. Susan, why don't you introduce yourself and tell the listeners why you're here today?

[01:11] Susan: Okay. And I'll do this in my very sexiest podcast voice. Hello, everybody. My name is Susan Jarvis. I'm the Maven, founder of the Spicy Boudoir online sexual store. And I like to focus on older people, which is myself, and people living with a disability, which is also myself, because I have chronic osteo in both my knees and use a walking stick. And I really believe that older people and people living with disability, we're sexual beings, and we deserve to have a retail experience that celebrates our sexuality. So that's me on the side. I'm also a podcast host. I have the Maven's private diaries, and I'm looking forward to having you on there, Sonya.

[01:58] Sonya: So, Susan, where I'd love to start with you is how did the spicy food evolve? How did the maven evolve? Would you like to share with us your kind of, I suppose, origin story when it comes to business?

[02:13] Susan: Sure thing. Well, it's funny because it actually started when a girlfriend said to me, oh, there's a party plan company that's decided you'd be very good at it. And when I looked at that brand, it was very tacky. Like, it was tacky, absolutely no class. And I just knew that I could do something better. And the name the Spicy Beard market popping into my head constantly. I'm all about science from the universe, so when that, like, literally the words were just jumping in my head. Okay. I didn't even have to think. When I saw that everything was available for that business name, the domain, the socials, I just knew.

[02:57] Sonya: That's a pretty clear sign, isn't it?

[02:59] Susan: Really is. And then I knew that I wanted to celebrate the sexuality of people over 15 people living with disability, because that was definitely my life at that time. I'd also been on quite a journey of self discovery, and I knew what it was like to go from living a very conservative, boring, soulless life where you lose yourself to go through I ended my marriage. Excuse me. And then I put myself on a journey of discovery. This is back for about 17 years ago, and some people think, oh, I jumped straight into sex. Well, no, I did not. I needed to rediscover my intellect, which I'd let go. I'd stop reading, I'd stop learning. And there's a saying, you're either green and growing or you're brown dying. And I was in the dying phase.

[03:55] Sonya: Sounds like you really let go of a lot of yourself in your marriage.

[04:02] Susan: I did. My life. I was a single parent in that marriage and very, very unhappy. I reached 165 kilos. Yes. And my good friend wrote to me and said, I'm really scared that you're going to die very early death. And at that time, I was only about 35, 36 even. And I didn't have a vibrator. My knowledge about sex and sexuality and menopause, which I'm sure we're going to be talking about shortly, was nil. I didn't even know that people were having good, sexy times in their marriage, let alone outside of their marriage together. So I'm forever grateful to my friend.

[04:49] Sonya: Yeah. That's a special friend, isn't it?

[04:52] Susan: Yes. And we're still good friends. Like, we've been friends nearly 30 years. And I actually call her the gardener of my life.

[05:00] Sonya: Okay, expand on. That's a great term.

[05:06] Susan: Well, she nourishes me. She's my sunshine, my rain. She's pruned me. Not literally my cubes or anything.

[05:18] Sonya: No, she's a beauty.

[05:20] Susan: No. But we have a really solid friendship where we give each other feedback, even. I've told her things that she does that I just needed to speak up and address in our friendship something horrible, just honest and likewise. And what can I say? We're like a partnership. We used to work together, so we were each other's work wise. I did tell her I'd **** her if she was ever so lonely and destitute ever going to happen. We just have a very good friendship.

[06:07] Sonya: Yeah. I love that. It sounds really solid.

[06:10] Susan: It is. And it's unusual. We don't hang out with each other all the time. We don't socialize all the time. Like, we're pretty much we're both partnered, but we don't socialize together as couples. It's a unique friendship.

[06:30] Sonya: Very lucky. It sounds like you're really lucky. Yeah.

[06:33] Susan: So I'm hoping that anyone listening that, gosh, I hope you have a friend like her.

[06:38] Sonya: Yeah. Especially. Aren't they and rare as well.

[06:41] Susan: I would say very rare. So my business started well, that was back in 2017. At the end of 2017, that I had those thoughts about becoming a sexual maven. And the maven actually was also in my mind, because that's a word which is beautiful.

[07:04] Sonya: It is a beautiful word. Yeah.

[07:06] Susan: And it's someone who's wise and wants to share their knowledge, and we hear about embracing our crown years. Well, that's all. I'm good, but I'm not a ******* crone. I know I'm beautiful and I'm sexy, and I'm going to be like this until the day I die. Like, I have a mission to keep my ******** active. And I'm talking about my ******** in my brain, in my heart and the one between my legs. Use it or lose it. It's true. And we'll come back to that during menopause. But yes, I started the doors open virtually in 2019.

[07:47] Sonya: Okay.

[07:47] Susan: And it's been quite a journey.

[07:49] Sonya: That was well timed for Covert, I guess. Really wasn't.

[07:52] Susan: It was. It was. Thank you, Covert, for giving people the need to explore their sexuality and incredible time during that. And I think when you think about all the death and sadness that we went through during COVID you know, I don't want to get it onto my high horse or anything like that, but I think the world might have needed a bit of a reset. And I'm hoping that we take advantage of all the reflection and the emotional maturity and social awareness of the world and the people who live in it has developed during that time. Definitely. Sexuality has been something that people have been exploring either on their own or together as couples. If you can't go out and get a OneNote, Stan, what are you going to do?

[08:53] Sonya: What are you going to do exactly? A little bit of selflove.

[08:57] Susan: That's right.

[08:58] Sonya: Now let's tell us a little bit more about the spicy **** before we kind of delve into other topics like what do you sell, how do you find you? What are your tips for maybe someone who was like you were at 35 that, you know, had never owned a vibrator, didn't really have any concept of what good sex was, how do they find it and what do you offer them? I guess is where I'm going.

[09:29] Susan: Okay. Alright, well, I guess if you're looking for a product for your very first product, I would highly recommend you read my blog. Talks about what your orgasmic fantasy. Not every woman wants to start with a huge vibrator inside her ******. Okay. And I would recommend to women, just start small, work your way up. You'd be surprised. I remember my first experience buying a vibrator. It was hilarious, but when I think about it, it was a bit soulless. My girlfriend and I walked into a sex shop in North Queensland, the very first thing I saw was this plastic rear view of an **** and a ******. And I never knew that women could just be defined as just holes. You won't find that on the spice of the duo. If you want one, I can get you one, but it's not something I want to be on my website. Same with dolls. If you want a robotic or a blow up doll, ask me, I'll get you one, but it's not going to be on my website. Okay? It's not because I judge people. Like, I played in the Fetish space, in the Kink space. I've explored my bisexuality. I've had threesomes couplesomes, you name it, but I just don't want those things on my website.

[11:08] Sonya: And I guess part of that I would imagine, comes from your desire to create a safe space for women to come and feel comfortable with you.

[11:18] Susan: Yes, exactly.

[11:19] Sonya: My online experience. But you still want them to have that thing of being safe.

[11:24] Susan: That's right. I guess I felt safe when I walked into that section, but I certainly didn't feel comfortable that I could speak up. You know, I was a newbie. The thing I bought, I can't remember what the sales experience was, but I'm pretty sure it was a youngish person. Can't remember it was male or female, but my vibrator was this pink jelly ***** looking thing. And there's one thing I do remember is when I pulled it out of its packet, the smell, a very strong chemical smell, which is degatting of the chemicals in that product. So whether my advice is if you're shopping around, you check what the product is made out of. And again, on our website at the spicy beetley.com, we've got information there about what to look for for nonbodysave products.

[12:19] Sonya: Yeah. Okay, great.

[12:21] Susan: So just be careful. If you find us, you can find us obviously online. We've got a Facebook page and Instagram. There is a pinterest flooding around, but I find that just a little bit clunky to deal with. If you're stuck, you really need someone to talk to. I do offer a free 30 minutes chat, which you can book through the website. Should be a booking there or just send us an email. And then I do offer individual, tailored coaching service to be your sexual confidant. Okay. So sometimes we need to talk to somebody that we can trust and we can't always have those conversations with a girlfriend or with a man friend. And I will listen to you and then make recommendations, because I've been on that journey myself.

[13:18] Sonya: I think that's so important for perhaps a woman that's listening, that hasn't had a need or a desire in the past to use a vibrator or something along those lines. But perhaps now Is maybe finds herself single and not wanting to have those when I stand and all that sort of thing, but still wants to have her desires met and have a healthy sex life or start, like how do you know what to use? How do you know what to buy? So I think that's such a great service that you want to have that 30 minutes chat with someone like you who is such a beautiful soul and so thank you. So gentle. It's not going to be your sales and previously be.

[14:11] Susan: Exactly. And that's actually one of the values of the business. It's somewhere on our website in our about or our philosophy. We're not here for the ching ching. I need to make a living. Let's be honest. I'm 55 and I need to top up my sleep I need to pay my bills, I want to build a wealth for my family, but I want to do it in an ethical way that provides value. And if there's one thing I've learned from, like I've recently on the back of doing a live event out in outback Queensland for three days, is that I love talking to women and women love talking to me. Okay. So if you're looking for someone who's not going to judge you and that you can trust, then please reach out. That first step towards your on your sexual journey is the most important. And I wish I had had someone like me to be by my side when I went through my journey. Because I tell you what, I certainly met, I was doing dating and I certainly met some really horrible men. Didn't kiss them all, didn't shake them all, but just to be there and waste my time. I wish Susan and Mabel had been available for me.

[15:31] Sonya: Yeah. And I love that that's what you now gone out and created. So let's talk about menopause. I suppose the obvious place when we think about menopause and we think about sex life is there's a lot of women talk about feeling that they lose their libido. There is conjecture as to whether you do actually lose your libido or if it's actually just a byproduct of all the other symptoms that you're going on and being in those sandwich years of all the caring for everyone else and not for yourself. And obviously we lose the elasticity and the moisture in our skin, so that impacts our ***** and our ****** as well. What was your personal experience, if you're happy to share that? And how do you find that you're helping women the most within the spicy food at that stage of their life?

[16:31] Susan: I'm glad you've asked because I'm pretty much an open book. I thought you would be very I talk about it and I write it about it so well. I know I started Harry Menopause in my forty s. I remember going through a lot of emotional upheaval. I would cry at the drop of a hat, even cry if there was a soppy advert. It would just pluck my heart strings and I'd be tearing up. Definitely. Menopause would have hit for me around 50 and in the last between 50 and 53, I still have no libido. Someone said to me, oh, you must have lots of sex. I said, no, I actually now don't ever feel like having sex. I never get that beautiful, delicious buzz that you feel in between your lips that I'm aroused. I don't get aroused by things I see on television or read. I need a lot of foreplay. And I did have a moment with my darling. We were being intimate and I was so dry. So dry. And I was feeling so embarrassed that I couldn't I mean, I was enjoying what he was doing? I ended up bursting into tears and just said, look, I'm so, so sorry that I'm not wet. It's me. Just my body's not doing it anymore. And he was so relieved that I said something because he thought it was him.

[18:11] Sonya: Yeah, that does not surprise me.

[18:13] Susan: Yeah. And look, guys, if you're listening, please don't always hold it to you, but ask the question and help to create a safe space for women to talk about how they feel during foreplay, how they feel about that invitation to have sex. So this moment was a turning point in our relationship because it opened up the conversation we set about, like, I researched about responsive arousal versus spontaneous arousal. If you Google that, you'll understand basically when our ovaries are driving our bus and we can get horny just like that because our hormones are urging us.

[19:00] Sonya: To procreate, we're still in that procreation stage.

[19:06] Susan: When that's all done and dusted, then our arousal, it's still there, but it needs to be responsive. So we invested time and a little bit of money and didn't cost as much. We went and did a Kink 101 workshop, which I thought, oh, my God, what sort of people are going to be there? Honestly, Mums and Dads, ordinary people like myself. And look, I consider myself to be a very ordinary woman living her extraordinary life. Okay? I've got a *** on a belly, and I've got hair on my chin, but that doesn't stop me from having a great sex life. And it's not swinging off the chandelier. It's a very deep, sacred in touch with my spirituality and my heart and my body sexuality now. So we also did an online workshop during COVID and that was pleasuring. The Volvo one of the best things that we've ever done, and he is now the master of my Volvo. Okay?

[20:15] Sonya: You're a lucky lady.

[20:17] Susan: I am. Holy. Am I lucky or what? We don't always have ***** in ****** sex. And I want to say to people listening quite often through the media, what we see in movies and TV shows. It's always the thrusting motion of a ***** that is not just sex. Sex is eye gazing, conversation, intimacy. Intimacy. It's great hands. I always say great sex starts at the hands. And we basically just massage each other now, have a neurotic massage. And that way we're assured of always experiencing not just an orgasm, but a top notch orgasm. But there's times when I don't orgasm, okay? Like, I've also given up that expression on myself. And a lot of women do this, get in their head. And there's a saying, I don't know who said this, but when we get in our head, we're behind enemy lines.

[21:31] Sonya: Oh, I like that.

[21:32] Susan: Yes. And so for me, when life is busy and I've got a lot on my plate, my orgasm gets locked in my head. And I did find a product, and here's a product recommendation and a plug. There's two of them. My absolute favorite is the melt by we vibe. Now, it's not an internal product, it's got Pleasure air technology designed by We Vibe, and it actually suckles your ********. And that unlocks my orgasm every time because I'm always thinking, have the dogs got water? What do we need? Shopping? What bills have to be paid? Okay. And if you hear me on any other podcast, this is what I'm talking about because this is my truth. So it gets me every time. And it's funny, Sonya, if I'm on my own self pleasuring, which I do, and my partner does as well, and if he goes away for work, we'll be on the phone and I give him permission to knock one out. And same with me, but I can have an orgasm under 60 seconds.

[22:44] Sonya: Whoa. It's interesting. I have a girlfriend who recommends the exact same product. So for that very same reason, she said she has tried a few different versions, I guess, of vibrators and obviously different pitoral stimulation and that sort of thing. And that is by far her leading recommendation as well.

[23:06] Susan: The other one by Revive is The Womanizer, and it's got the same clitoral suction, but also an internal device. So you actually have a dual pleasurable experience at the same time?

[23:19] Sonya: At the same time, yeah.

[23:20] Susan: And that one knocks your socks off.

[23:23] Sonya: Yeah. I must admit, as soon as you said that, I went way you can.

[23:30] Susan: Enjoy that one hands free. Trust me, I love that one. Absolutely love it. Going back to responsive arousal, just take your time and invest in education about how your body works and talk to each other. And I say to people, like, what you need for great sex is you don't need to know the positions of the Karma Sutra. You just need education, communication and masturbation. Because then you put it all into practice. So easy. And squared equals great sex.

[24:10] Sonya: Yes.

[24:11] Susan: Copyrighted by Susan Jeff.

[24:12] Sonya: I was going to say, I hope you've copyrighted that. I love that. Education, communication and masturbation, the formula for success. You love it.

[24:24] Susan: You heard it here.

[24:26] Sonya: Yeah, don't worry. And everyone else listening will be yoga as well, which is the purpose of this podcast. And I love it. And if that's one thing anybody that's listening today takes away, I think that's super important.

[24:41] Susan: When I talk to people, I do engage with people about this. The education is there's so much on the internet, but you really are best to engage with a health professional, such as sexologist. Somatic sex therapists, talking together as a couple, working together, there's online courses that you can do, books.

[25:07] Sonya: There's some brilliant books there.

[25:09] Susan: And we've got a dedicated resource page on our website. And I also have in my network, whole network of occupational therapists, which are very underrated and undervalued in terms of sexuality and sex. So they work with people who live with physical disability or physical condition and they're great. They can assist you greatly with things such as positioning, for instance.

[25:40] Sonya: Yeah. Okay. Someone like me would never have thought about before because I can appreciate that there must be people with, like you say, disabilities or other concerns that do mean that they need to find a way to experience pleasure that works for them. Okay.

[26:03] Susan: I've got a podcast interview coming up shortly with Candace from Care Rehab and they work with people who have had brain injury. So stay tuned for that one on the Maven's Private Diaries.

[26:17] Sonya: This excellent sonya, I remember reading Dylan or Cott's book and I find it so incredible that he is now in a relationship with the beautiful Chantel. But he talked in his book and this was years before Chantal whatever. He was talking about being young at teen years, about how as much as he doesn't have the ability to use his body from kind of the waist down, he still has a sex drive and he still has a desire to have a sexual relationship. And I loved that he was so open about that in his book.

[26:55] Susan: Well, with Care Rehab, what they've just recently announced is next year there'll be a series of training workshops for health professionals to help children who experience spinal cord injury deal with their sexuality. And I think it's so needed oh yeah. And to have those conversations then when it happens and that younger in life, I believe will save a lot of emotional angst to it's totally never discussed until they're in their 20s or their thirty s. Yeah.

[27:30] Sonya: And what they will have gone through that before then.

[27:32] Susan: Yes.

[27:33] Sonya: Yeah.

[27:34] Susan: So you can imagine teenage boy who's entering his peak sexual years and maybe has a surfing accident or a motorbike accident and ends up with spinal cord injury, how devastating that will be. And thinking that there's no future when there is. And there's an American, Dr. Mitch Tepper, who himself experienced spinal cord injury and he writes, he devoted his life teaching people about how to regain your sexuality after injury like that.

[28:10] Sonya: Yeah. Brilliant. Brilliant. And I love that you're working in that space as well as this work that you're doing with an older woman, a more mature woman. I think there are beautiful synergies there. I had a question that popped into my mind then and it was around going back to what we were talking about for the menopause of woman that going back to the dryness that we experience and that pain that, you know, sex can become painful. It's that simple. When we have that really dry vulgar and ******, how do you suggest that women can overcome that?

[28:50] Susan: Okay, well, firstly, just day to day living. Okay. To live your day with a very dry over. It's so uncomfortable. I've been there. It's like having sandpaper between your legs. It makes you prone to micro tears, which obviously can increase your risk of infections. So I think our sexuality isn't just confined to the bedroom, it's through our normal day. So I highly recommend a product called Happy Paws, which, you know, Sandy Davies.

[29:28] Sonya: And we've had the beautiful Sandy Davies podcast before, and we promote Sandy's product, Happy Paws. I'll make sure that there's a link in the notes to this podcast for anyone that's listening that hasn't come across this magical product before.

[29:41] Susan: Yep. So definitely I recommend using Happy Paws throughout the day if you're going to be intimate. Lube is your friendly, not just for comfort, but you can have a lot of fun with lube.

[29:55] Sonya: I know. I remember the first time and we never started using lube until I went through medical menopause and cancer. And so everything for us, we had a bit of a no sex period just because my body was my worst enemy, basically. And when we started to get back on the horse as such, I realized that I needed to use Lou blade. There was no way that I was going to have a comfortable sex experience without it. And we never used it before. So I went, my poor husband, I so I apologize if you listened to this, but he was like, wow. Like, seriously, why have we not used this before? Literally game changing.

[30:41] Susan: It is. And here's a fun tip. If you want to have a bit more fun, get yourself a pair of silicon gloves and silicon lube and just touch each other wearing gloves with lube on them. Incredible experience. And even if I don't know just any woman, like, I'm not a fan of the bush, the full bush. I think pubic care is a choking hazard. So I always encourage my darling to be manscaped and it doesn't worry him, but I like to be ladyscaped as well. And the sensation of bare skin being touched with lubrication with a hand that's wearing a silicon glove, it's incredible.

[31:28] Sonya: Okay. Wow.

[31:29] Susan: Incredible. So some good brands out there is Pure, PJ U R. They are medical grade lube and Sutil S-U-T-I-L which we stock on the website as well.

[31:46] Sonya: OK, great. Brilliant. And I think it's really important for women to know that there are lots of options out there. And one of the things that I have learned through my own self education with around lube and is that you need to find the highest grade Purest product that you can.

[32:08] Susan: Yes. And aware that the Therapeutic Goods Association has changed the laws around that lube is now determined as a medical device because it actually goes inside your body. Okay. So there's risk there and there's certain obligations on the manufacturer. And I'm well aware that Pure and I actually probably need to follow up with Ctel, to be honest with you. But Pure definitely dots all the I's and crosses the T's. Let me just try and put on my best singing voice. Not that I can sing, but I always whenever I think of Lou, I just want to go, Lou, glorious.

[32:50] Sonya: Lube.

[32:54] Susan: I do have the other set of lyrics that my partner came up with that may not be appropriate for your podcast.

[33:01] Sonya: Let's go. This is a no topic is off the table, so let's go.

[33:07] Susan: I can't actually remember, but it's to do with ****.

[33:10] Sonya: Yep. Oh, that's it? That's all we're getting.

[33:13] Susan: Yeah, that is I just can't remember the words that it came up with. I'll have to get somebody to record it for me.

[33:20] Sonya: Yes. Just don't make it the ringtone on your phone.

[33:25] Susan: That's an idea.

[33:28] Sonya: Something else for you to copyright. Susan, what else would you like to share with anyone that's listening? I mean, I love the McQuid. I think that's amazing. And we've talked about Lubrication. What else would you like to leave the listeners with today?

[33:46] Susan: I think particularly for women, you have a right to experience pleasure. Quite often, we just let it go because we feel embarrassed by how long it might take for us to rise to climax or we just want to get it over and done with. Are we fake an orgasm to get it over and done with?

[34:12] Sonya: Yeah.

[34:13] Susan: So you have a right to pleasure, and it's really a healthy component to our mental. Wellbeing, okay. That saved me during the last couple of years of my marriage, where I was celibate for the last three years of my marriage. I was not diagnosed at that time. I obviously had depression, but it wasn't diagnosed. And I would say that selfcare was really important to me during that time, and it should be important to yourself as well. So understand how your body works. Okay. And you can only find that out through practice. Let's use the Mword masturbation.

[34:58] Sonya: Yeah.

[35:00] Susan: Probably one of the best things that you can do for yourself. I've said this a few times throughout my social. Own your sexuality because it belongs to you forever. Okay.

[35:16] Sonya: And I think I'd like to add to that what you've talked about today, but that is that your sexuality doesn't have a use by date either.

[35:24] Susan: And just that's a great segue. One of the people that I've looked up to over my business journey, and she's now passed away. I think she was 92 when she died about two years ago. Betty Dodson in the States was a sexologist. Started off as an artist, I believe, but she actually taught women how to ********** face to face, like she would hold classes, and if it's something I would like to do down the track.

[35:53] Sonya: That would be so powerful.

[35:55] Susan: And she had a saying that death is the final orgasm.

[36:01] Sonya: Well, that's interesting, because in the French language, the words for orgasm translate to little. Little death.

[36:10] Susan: Death. Exactly.

[36:12] Sonya: And there you go.

[36:13] Susan: There's an Australian movie called Little Death.

[36:17] Sonya: Is there?

[36:18] Susan: Yes. Please go and watch this movie. It is hilarious. It's so funny. It's like a Love Actually time where there's all these different stories and they all gravitate to the ending. It's hilarious. It definitely is. And two other movies, which I'm sure you probably have already seen, an Australian movie, how to Please a Woman.

[36:46] Sonya: The best movie.

[36:47] Susan: I ******* love that movie.

[36:49] Sonya: It is. Yeah. And I rated above the one that I think you're about to say next.

[36:54] Susan: Yeah. Good luck to you, Leo Grande.

[36:58] Sonya: Yeah. Great movie. But I saw how to please a woman first. And then I saw good luck to you, Leo. Grand and great movie. Loved it. Incredible messaging. And Emma Thompson's, you know, portrayal of that character is so powerful. So is his portrayal as well. I think there's a lot to learn from his character in the movie as well. But how to Please a Woman, every woman should see and every man should see. Just amazing.

[37:24] Susan: It's ticked all the boxes for me.

[37:28] Sonya: And if you want a good laugh, there is a hilarious scene in the middle of the remote controlled vibrator.

[37:37] Susan: Because one croissant is never enough.

[37:39] Sonya: One croissant is never enough. Brilliant movie. Brilliant movie. Yeah. I love that. I'd forgotten about the French term for orgasm, which was little death. And I think I think I'm going to have to say that I learned that watching Emily in Paris.

[38:01] Susan: Yes. So please don't let death be your one and only orgasm and don't let it be your last. You got to have one before it like I live my life creating for myself what I call deathbed memories. So that when I die, I have this beautiful montage of memories to take myself through. It's not all about sex. It's a lot to do with love for my family and for my friends, putting myself out there. Like, I did a stand up comedy gig last year that was part of my bucket list.

[38:39] Sonya: Fantastic, I guess.

[38:40] Susan: And I can actually make people laugh.

[38:43] Sonya: I can imagine you do. I've seen you on stage and you are naturally magnetic and incredibly funny. You weren't trying to be funny then either, in the sense that you weren't delivering a stand up comedian app. So good for you. I love that you have been ticking those boxes off.

[39:00] Susan: That's amazing.

[39:01] Sonya: Definitely.

[39:02] Susan: I encourage it. I have a theory that once you embrace your mortality, there's a little switch that clicks in your mind and you're thinking in your heart and you look at life through a different lens.

[39:14] Sonya: You do very differently. Absolutely. I completely agree with having been through a cancer diagnosis and treatment and actually having to literally face mortality has that same trigger. It does change the way that you look at life. The opportunities that come up, the way that you decide what you will and won't do with your life huge. And I think it's a shame that for some people, they do have to experience that before they move into that space. I think we should all be I love what you just said, creating deathbed memories. I think that's incredible. Susan, thank you so much for your time today. This has been such a lovely chat as I finish up all my episodes, although we've talked a little bit about movies already. What is one thing that you are reading, listening to or watching right now that is bringing you joy?

[40:10] Susan: OK, look, I have this problem with reading, where I did so much reading at Uni, I think I burnt my.

[40:17] Sonya: Brain PTSD around reading.

[40:20] Susan: I do. I actually struggle to sit down and read and I have this terrible habit and there's actually a Japanese term for this which doesn't come to mind, but I buy a shitload of books, I just don't read them. Oh, you too?

[40:38] Sonya: I've literally got a pillar that is growing beside my desk of books that I've bought and perhaps read one or two chapters and not yet finished.

[40:46] Susan: Yeah, I'm a skim reader now. I wish I could be like Cafe Night and speed read. So I like to watch. Look, I like dark comedy and I love BBC comedy and what's floating my boat right now and you'll find it on ABC Ivue or BritBox or somewhere. Don't watch the American version because it's ****. But ghosts, OK, have you seen it.

[41:18] Sonya: Come across the American version, which is really cringy.

[41:24] Susan: Just a quick synopsis. A couple her great art removed so many times, dies, ends up inheriting this huge rundown mansion in England and it's full of ghosts. Let me go. There's a caveman who's been there from Day Dot, basically like 100 years. There's somebody who was burned in the witch trials. Mary. So robin's caveman. Mary's the witch. There's Thomas, who was a poet in Lord Byron's time.

[41:59] Sonya: Oh, wow.

[42:00] Susan: There's a major from World War One. There's a scout master. So these people have all died on the premises.

[42:13] Sonya: OK, the premises.

[42:15] Susan: There's a scout master. I just can't think of his name. But he's got an arrow shot through his neck from one of the kids. There's someone from the Tudor era who's had his head loped off. He's wandering around all the time. Hunter. Yeah, the body just wanders off when the head falls off. There's in the cellar, there's a basement full of plague victims.

[42:42] Sonya: Oh, my goodness. This sounds way much better than the American burger that I saw.

[42:48] Susan: It's hilarious. And when they first got there, they couldn't see them. And then Julian, he's the English politician who died during a sex scandal.

[42:58] Sonya: Oh, fabulous.

[42:59] Susan: He gets around just wearing his suit. He's got no pants on, just his.

[43:04] Sonya: Socks that's probably died. Yeah.

[43:09] Susan: There'S Kitty. I forgot about Kitty. How could I forget about Kitty? Kitty's from the 16 hundreds. 17 hundreds. French, sort of. She's English, but I just ******* love this show. And Allison, who's the woman, she ends up falling out of the window, mysteriously, perhaps pushed by Julian, who's got the power of touch, and she wakes up and she can see them. And it's just this hilarious, hilarious trip through dealing with these dead people who can see a living for the first time, who can see them and how they interact and the little problems that they cause and things like that.

[43:53] Sonya: They look for the British version of.

[43:57] Susan: The other comedy that comes to mind. This is pretty black and it's very gory. And Bill Hayden is the star. I think he wrote it, maybe directed it, but it's called Just One Word Barry.

[44:12] Sonya: And my son has watched that.

[44:15] Susan: He is an American Marine who was a sniper. One of his father's friends takes Barry's talent. He becomes an assassin for hire. And it's amazing how they can weave comedy into it, but it's one situation after another and it's just a comedy of errors and mix ups and misunderstandings. There's a gay, Chechnyan, drug lord or criminal hank who's hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. But obviously there's a sadness behind it as well when Barry wants to get out of the business to become an actor. But I won't give any spoilers, but I highly recommend Barry and Ghosts. Beautiful.

[45:07] Sonya: Fantastic.

[45:10] Susan: Listing wise. I'm not listening to many podcasts at the moment because I'm busy doing all right. I have listened to some of yours and the episode where you spoke with your dermatologist, Dr. Shreya.

[45:22] Sonya: Andrea.

[45:23] Susan: Yes. Absolutely brilliant. I think there should be more conversations around women's health, particularly our vulval health, and I admire you for doing thank you. Yeah. Well done.

[45:36] Sonya: Yeah, thank you. That means a lot to me. Amazing. Thank you so much for your time today. Susan, I'm going to pop links galore into the notes so that everybody can find the spicy boudoir, but also all the other things that we've talked about today. And I really appreciate what you're doing in the world and the help that you are giving women and couples as a result as well. So thank you.

[46:00] Susan: You're welcome. You know, what I love is that here we are, two ordinary Aussie women shining a light on menopause and sexuality and making a difference in the world, that we don't need to be a flash celebrity or someone famous to do it. We're doing the hard yards of at the front line, and I admire you for what you've created.

[46:25] Sonya: Thank you, Susan. And I agree with you. I think it makes the conversations more relatable and I think it also makes the conversations more powerful.

[46:34] Susan: I agree.

[46:38] Speaker A: Thank you for listening today. I am so grateful to have these conversations with incredible women and experts. And I'm grateful that you chose to hit play on this episode of Dear Menopause. If you have a minute of time today, please leave a rating or a review. I would love to hear from you because you are my biggest driver for doing this work. If this chat went way too fast for you and you want more, head over to Stellarwomen.com Au podcast for the show notes. And while you're there, take my midlife quiz to see why it feels like midlife is messing with your head.